"Adults affect the behavior of children more by their own behavior and attitudes than by their words." Ralph K. Humes, Sr.
It is proven that children are far more sensitive to emotions than mature adults. They get caught up in the moment with greater abandon than do guarded, more mature people.
It is very important that we be the best we can be, exercise the greatest self control we know how to, and be as prayed up and filled with the Holy Spirit as God will allow when we present ourselves for the Lord's service. We represent Jesus Christ to the children. They in turn reflect back to us in great part what we project to them in the first place. What we do to them, Jesus says, we do it to HIM. [Our Pastor, Brother Scott Neathery, brought out in one of his Wednesday evening Bible studies that the filling of the Holy Spirit displaces a critical spirit in us, and gives us a more cheerful demeanor. We appear more Jesus-like.] (My terminology with what I gleaned in meaning.)
What was Jesus attitude toward the children?
Jesus attitude toward little children is shown us in Matthew chapter 18 and 19. In Chapter 18, He tells us that whoever receives one of these little ones, receives Him; and whoever humbles himself like that little child is great in the Kingdom of Heaven; and again Jesus shows us how high He values a little child in the exhortation to not offend one little child who believes in Him. He uses an illustration of one of the worst deaths imaginable to a Jew: drowned at sea so no one can ever mourn you or visit your grave to illustrate his punishment on anyone who offends a child. Again, in Matthew 19: 13-15 as well as Mark 10:13-16 Jesus rebuked his disciples for sending the children away, saying, "Let the children come to Me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Then He took them up in His arms and blessed them, laying His hands on them.
In addition to our most effective demeanor we want more substance and motivation. For this we go to Jesus' attitudes again. Jesus was about saving souls, not just healing bodies. He had compassion on the crowds. We see this in Matthew Chapter 9:36,37 where it says he saw the multitudes as sheep without a shepherd, and He had compassion on them. We must see the children in our outreach ministry as Jesus saw them, precious, not to be turned away, and as little lambs without a shepherd, in need of compassion for their eternal souls.
In harmony with seeing Jesus as our pattern, Jody Capehart tell us,
"Teaching With Heart", Standard Publishing
"First and foremost, how we discipline is directly related to our
relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. As a teacher with Heart,
understand that Jesus must be the focus of your heart, and that
your thoughts, words, and deeds are all filtered through the
grid of your relationship with Him.
Secondly, discipline is a reflection of your relationship with your
students. When they know you love them, and when you take
the time to get to know them, discipline issues begin to get easier."
So now what about Discipline?
Remember the goal of true discipline is to disciple, that is to train and guide, not punish. Sometimes our students rebel against our authority. We cannot ignore this. We wouldn't be true to Scriptural instruction if we did. Here are a few pointers that should help. First of all, have a few clear, simple rules with clearly stated consequences. State them in the positive. Review them as often as necessary. Then let us all adjust our inner man to comply with the Word of God.
James 1:19-22 We see that the anger of man does not work the righteousness of God. "
And we DO want to work the righteousness of God, don't we? Teachers, be cheerful when it is possible.
Ephesians 4:30-32 "Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God - - - put away anger and malice - but be kind to one another, tenderhearted"
Would not this apply to tender children even more so than adults?
Proverbs 29:22 "An angry man stirs up strife. And an angry man causes much transgression."
Fellow Teachers and Workers, when we give way to anger, we are responsible for stirring up the anger and strife in the emotions of the child, and at least in part we become the cause of his transgression. Remember, children DO reflect back to us what we project to them.
Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath.
Sometimes in our tiredness and frustration with a child's behavior, we will use harsh words and perhaps stir a child's anger, perhaps wound emotions, or even break a child's heart. Negative words coupled with an unloving attitude wound. Then, we expect that same child to hide their emotions, and reflect the opposite of what we dealt out, behaving as a mature adult would find it hard to accomplish! How very foolish we are at times! Let us give soft answers, and turn away wrath. The best armor for this is to pray for ourselves, our fellow workers, and the children. Then, Dear Teachers, guide your students with cheerfulness to the right behaviors with admonitions that motivate them to please God, primarily.
Paul taught us to pray often for fellow workers, and for the lost to believe in Jesus. I encourage you to get and keep a list of your students, especially the ones who are the most needy of salvation. Before children are saved, they will be as they have been brought up to be, and worse. The most needy of the Gospel, the most needy of love and tenderness, the most needy of respect and a good example, the most needy of some kind of positive affirmation and love are the children who try our patience the and sometimes they are the least loveable. We must strive in every way we can to win those children to Christ. They are our mission field. Let us pray for their souls.
Let us look to the Scriptures for the encouragement we need. Let us now look at the dynamics of a Positive Example. God's message to teachers and parents is so woven through Scripture, we cannot escape it. It is like the colorful threads of a beautiful tapestry!
Read all of Titus 2:1-8 esp. stress v. 7 -
"in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine, showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility"
But . . Why? Read Titus 2: 11 - 14
We show ourselves to be a pattern for the children so that we honor the Lord Jesus looking for that glorious appearing of our Savior!
Charles Spurgeon, wrote in his book "Come Ye Children" chapter 3,
"Believe me, your children need the Spirit of God to give them
new hearts and right spirits, or else they will go astray as other
children do. Remember that, however young they are, there is a
stone within the youngest breast; and that stone must be taken
away, or be the ruin of the child. There is a tendency to evil even
where as yet it is not developed into act, and that tendency needs
to be overcome by the divine power of the Holy Spirit causing the
child to be born again."
Children are even more vulnerable than you are to the "power of suggestion."
Some practical ways to be a pattern of the right things, and to honor the Lord is to be pleasant and cheerful and positive, stating the positive of what we would like them to do.
Examples:
Please keep your eyes up here so you don't miss anything, would work much better. Do not tell them what you do not want them to do, - they WILL do it!
Don't run! ** I would like everyone to be very self controlled and walk tall!
Don't talk. ** I would like you to listen carefully so you don't miss something.
I do not want to give out any more check marks! ** I appreciate your good behavior.
State the positive. Be positive. Speak with respect as if you know they are of the highest character and will do what is right. Show respect and affection; speak in normal tones as you think Jesus, the Good Shepherd, would speak to His little lambs.
Children also read us. Many of you have had a full day with all sorts of stress, responsibilities, and sometimes disappointments, and still you show up smiling for the love of the children. God bless you for this! On those bad days now and then, we must be the most careful, because tone of voice, attitude, words, face expressions, and body language all show what is going on inside us. Children sense these things, and will "push your buttons." Let us make sure we are right with God, filled with the Holy Spirit, love the children, and love their souls. Get the nutritional nourishment you need to function at your best. When we have a higher goal, the salvation of their eternal souls, and their sanctification, we can endure to the end even when it gets discouraging.
Remember . . You, Dear Teacher, affect the behavior of your students more by your own behavior and attitudes, who you are, than you do by your words. And your motivation is our high calling in Christ Jesus. Remember also that we teach more from who we are than by the words we say. Therefore, I challenge you to go forth together as the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ, bearing precious seed, weeping in prayer often, so that we can all come again rejoicing bringing our many sheaves with us!
Written by Mrs. J.A. Humes, I.O.T.
Permission to copy and share in small quantities for no charge,
but no permission granted to mass-produce for sale.
Scriptures used and more - for extra Study.
Matthew 18:1-6; and v10; and v14 chap. 19:13-15
Mark 10:13-16
Prov. 15:1 Soft answer turns away wrath
Proverbs 29:22 Angry man stir up strife - one given to anger causes much transgression
Titus All of Chapter 2: pattern of good works
I Thess. 1:6,7
I Tim 4:12I
John 2:6
Matthew 9:36,37 Jesus had compassion on the multitudes like sheep w/o shepherd.
Col 3:21-- Eph 6:4 Do not provoke your children to anger
James 1:19 - 22 Anger of man does not work the righteousness of God.
Ephesians 4:30-32 Do not grieve the Holy spirit of God - - put away anger malice* be kind
Matthew 25:40 Done to them, you have done it to me.
I Corinthians Chapter 12: Gifts of members as a body. Do you have the gift of working with children? God can and will equip most people for this task; but your gifts may be more
beneficial in another area of service. Seek the Lord, and be sure.
Books recommended:
Come Ye Children, by Charles Spurgeon - Christian Heritage Printers.
Teaching with Heart (especially for younger children) by Jody Capehart
Standard Publishing, Cincinnati, OH
What about the Fun and Games of a Children's program?
In our busy world, evening ministry to children is a necessity. But this need not be a great liability, if we are careful to plan our times of activity and quietness for the greater good of each age of children. Our goals are to reach children for Christ, and to see saved children grow in their faith. All activities should enhance and strengthen this goal and serve this purpose. Activity is necessary sometimes to help little growing muscles "take a break" and to be able to settle down to learn. For older children the fun is what draws them to the ministry so they can hear the Word of God. Let us take a look at how our busy times can be a true asset, and not become a liability.
The older the child, the later in the day he can be active without irritability. Children ten and under, when tired and hungry need a break, and some protein to refresh their ability to cooperate and to function. Those who did not get supper will be more irritable for evening activities. Providing a nourishing - not sugary - snack is worth the cost if it helps even one child listen and learn better.
Sometimes, a simple rearranging of schedule will adjust your program to better meet the needs of the particular children in your neighborhood. Let us take a look at some of these methods.
*Human of every age have difficulty with sudden changes in activity levels. Adults struggle with immediate shut-down from participation in some extremely active game which pumps his adrenaline up to the max, to an immediately required state of calm and quiet. The younger the human, the less able he is to do this; because it requires emotional maturity to command his emotions that are tied to his competitive nature. His love of the game draws him back to want to continue competing, and being active. We can demand all we want, but immediate compliance is hardly achievable by most teens and children, and the result is miserable for all. Take heart! there are ways to make adjustments within your available time and building usage by simply discussing and planning, and being willing to make adjustments as needed. The keys are communication and flexibility. Apply all with prayer and love, and you will have the best possible experience for all!
*A cool-down period is recommended after all exciting, competitive games before demanding that the children sit quietly. In other words, wisdom shown by the teachers is vital to a child's successful transition from busy to calm- from competitive athlete to submissive learner. Let us be careful not to demand what children cannot produce. When they are truly disobedient, however, let us be careful to label the behavior and firmly and kindly dole out the pre-stated consequences.
*Plan wisely to shorten the active time, then transition to a slower rate, then a period of free movement to get the body and mind to slow down. Then, perhaps some non-demanding mental involvement such as awards, songs, discussion of who played well, etc. would be best before expecting full quiet attention to a speaker or story.
*Before moving from one area to another, break up the synergy of the larger group in to groups as small as your number of workers will allow. Whoever was in charge before the moving out, should assign (Yes, assign) groups to each worker available. (What the one in charge does, is give mental authority over to another by his authority. This subconsciously affects the compliance of the children to their teacher/worker leading them.) Instruct each group to move out separately, thus dividing the powerful energy of a larger group, and helping secure more authority to each worker leading each group. Leaders, be cheerful and use positive instructions to lead your little flock to the next station!
